I've taken a bit of a break from blogging. Since we were notified of our move, I've avoided my blog world. It's weird because I feel like writing is my therapy but with life so upside down and turned around, my words are jumbled up inside of me and I have little hope that putting them out there will do any good.
We got our final homestudy for our adoption back in May. We went to Scotland halfway through May for our tenth wedding anniversary and when we returned home, I found out my job had found a replacement for me. I trained her the next week then went down to the customer service center where I am working until we leave. I know this transition is a gift. My job with the online school was very stressful and moving down to customer service is like a vacation. It's six girls in a room opening mail and scanning checks into the computer; taking orders over the phone and chatting about boyfriends, husbands, food, fashion, Downton Abbey and things of God. All while getting paid my salary as an online school administrator. That friends, is mercy in the midst of change.
Martin will be moving into a corporate rental in the next few weeks. He can live there for 60 days then we have to move. During those 60 days we have to sell half our furniture, find a renter, find an apartment to rent, finish tiling and installing new toilets and vanities in the bathroom and move. Thankfully we found out our moving company will be coming in and packing our things for us, moving them and unpacking everything. What a blessing!
What about adoption? Since we're moving before we turned in our paperwork to Ethiopia, we have to have the homestudy revised when we settle in the apartment. Moving from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom apartment means we can't ask for a sibling group of more than two. Martin and I decided to not make any new decisions until we get settled.
I'm turning 35 in a few weeks. I know it's silly but I had these goals in place. When I got married at 25 we were on the five year plan with kids. When 30 came and went I knew we would have to look at other options. I made 35 my new goal for children. I didn't really share it with anyone. I believe goals are important in life but I also have to remind myself that my goals are not promises from God. I know this is not my life. I was bought with a price. I am not here for me. I am here for my Maker. All I've really wanted to be was a wife and mom. God has given me a great privilege to be a wife to an amazing man. I am so blessed. And if he blesses us with children may I be as thankful. But if not, may I always be satisfied in my Savior.
I saw this last week,
Dear God,
I tried my best, but if today
I lose my hope
please tell me that your plans
are better than my dreams.
