Pray With Us?

Oh that God, He's a funny One. A few days after Martin and I saw a very clear stop sign from God when it came to adopting in Ethiopia, we were thrown a curve ball.

A woman at work approached me last Tuesday and asked if we would be interested in adopting a baby of a family member. It's a complicated situation and honestly, the probability of us actually being able to go through with this is slim (in human terms), we told her yes, we were interested.

The great thing is we were able to tell our family and small group about it and there are so many people praying for us, the family, and this little girl who is due to pop in this world in a little more than two months! I have my moments of panic. We need to do our home study. Should I call an adoption lawyer now? What about my job? But I quickly recover and know this is so out of my hands that those are just tiny details. Today, I am okay if we aren't considered to be parents to this girl and if anything I can pray for her as she grows, wherever she is. Not sure how I'll feel tomorrow. But today, as in all days, I know God is allowing this and only has our good in mind and ultimately His glory.

So we wait and rest in our God, who is ever faithful and constant.

Stopping.

After much prayer Martin and I have decided to stop our adoption process for the moment. I have no idea how long but we both know this is what we are supposed to do. We are still going to practice living on a tight budget, save money, pay off bills we've accumulated just like we have been but we're not proceeding with the adoption.

Again, I have no idea how long this is going to be. I do know we are doing the right thing. I'm excited to see God work in our hearts and in ways around us. He's bigger than us and really loves showing off and I'm excited that we're a part of it.

But I do ask that you pray for the children in Ethiopia. This cut in adoption doesn't mean there are less children. And that has made me look outside myself more in these few weeks and not pray for our children but for His children.

The Yo-Yo Effect

So this is it. We aren't going to spared are we? We too have to go through ups and downs of adoption. It's not smooth sailing. It's not easy. It's not cheap. It's not predictable.

I don't know why I would've thought any differently. Maybe because I've been on such an emotional roller coaster these past few months that I thought I was safe from something outside of myself affecting our adoption.

We read an article on Saturday evening that said Ethiopia is tightening up adoptions by 90%. They say it's to make sure children are not being stolen and sold. They say it's for the children. It happened in Guatemala. People were stealing babies and selling them because there was such a demand for babies and Guatemala was cheap and fast. So they shut it down there. Now it seems they will be doing the same in Ethiopia. They say they don't know how long. We haven't heard anything from our agency officially. Wouldn't it be great if it was a fluke? If it only lasted a month?

I have a really bad habit of over thinking everything. I'm pretty sure that's all part of the curse. In the last 48 hours I have questioned so much.

Is the reason why I am having such a hard time filling out paperwork because this isn't what we're supposed to do? Where is that fine line of wanting to just be parents and helping in the bigger picture of adopting those who are fatherless? Is there a safer way? Should we just go and try fertility treatments? Can I handle all of this and still be able to work effectively in my job? Maybe I should just throw in the towel.

But I know that it is not my job to question. It's not my job to wonder. It's not my job to doubt. It is my job to obey and seek first the kingdom of God. Cause Jesus says that tomorrow will take care of itself. But right now, I'm just gonna sit up in my Father's lap and cry a little cause I'm scared.