Resting

Found out that the mother of the baby we asked for prayer for in the previous post wants to keep the baby. And the weirdest thing is, I'm okay with that. My heart is still. I have no anxiety. I am not sad or relieved or anything. Funny how emotions can drive you one month and then the next they take a back seat to reality. I guess Jeremiah wasn't kidding when he called our hearts deceitfully wicked.

So what now? It's funny. I was thinking yesterday how January through March I was a mess. I was crying over adoption papers. Crying over my job. Crying over my church. Crying over e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. [Martin accrued many crowns to lay at our sweet Savior's feet this first quarter of 2011].

And the thing is, nothing has changed much. My job is going a bit better. We've decided to stop the adoption process for now. I've decided to go back to school and feed my new love of computers. But you would think that would make me more crazy. But it hasn't. And frankly, I'm not going to try to figure it out. I learned much. I mean MUCH through January, February, and March but nothing profound that I can put my finger on.

Something occurred to me. God doesn't have to teach me anything. He doesn't have to do anything. I get so caught up on Him revolving around ME, I forget it's the other way around. Oh, so you want to throw a "maybe baby" our way? Okay! Why? Who knows. But I don't have to know. He doesn't owe me anything. Yet, I owe him everything. I'm going to enjoy this time of rest (in my heart at least).

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Far surpassing all the rest

It's an ocean full of blessing

In the midst of every test

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Mighty Savior, precious Friend

You will bring us home to glory

Where Your love will never end