2012

Reality is setting in for this girl. The reality that waiting is like hearing a slow drip somewhere in your walls that you can't do anything about unless you tear open your walls and start searching. Sometimes it's just better to wait and see if you see a sign of where the problem is. But it doesn't mean you don't go crazy waiting!

I know that this part of waiting (homestudy) is NOTHING compared to the wait after we've met our kids and before we pick them up for home.

In the last few weeks, I've been thinking and praying about if this is what we're supposed to do. Not adoption. I feel confident in that. But how and where we're adopting.

Doubt is a funny thing. It can consume you or you can take hold of it, take it to the Father and he can either reassure you of something or change your way completely. So that's what I'm doing. As a woman, I feel I have to do this more so than Martin. It's not that he isn't part of the process, it just that I probably think about a million times more on something than he does. Oh to be a man sometimes *sigh*

One friend told me last week that adoption is WAY harder than being pregnant. She has done both and I should trust her but I like to think that my mood swings and emotional eating would be far worse if I had a human living and growing inside of me. Then there's the c-section horror stories (I'm talking to you Jayme and April G!). I'm just going to think that this is the better route for me. Of course God never promised anything easy, just that I won't be alone.

Happy New Year.